Today I bought 80 alpacas, worth about $250,000.
Yes, I typed that correctly.
I think it's time to introduce some gentle, long-necked inflation hedges into my portfolio. A living, breathing portfolio filled with warmth, softness, and smugness.
Most people would call this delusional.
But let me explain my argument.
Alpacas cost about $3,000 each today.
But their fiber—softer than cashmere, rarer than gold thread—has outperformed nearly every natural textile over the past two decades.
While synthetic fibers are rife with microplastics, genuine fibers—wool, silk, cotton—are dwindling. In a world where luxury now means "authentic," demand for ethically sourced alpaca wool is quietly growing.
Meanwhile, the global alpaca population is declining. Breeding cycles are slow. Land costs are rising. Most people don't realize that once industrial agriculture collapses under climate pressure, those animals that can survive high altitudes, drought, and cold—alpacas—will be the last survivors.
These animals aren't pets.
They're inflation-proof infrastructure.
Each alpaca produces up to 10 pounds of wool per year, selling for hundreds of dollars per pound. They eat very little, produce less saliva than llamas, and can survive where cattle herds have declined. Their excrement? Fertilizer. Their presence? Healing. Their return on investment? Better than most ETFs in 2023.
My $250,000 position isn't a farm.
It's a hedge fund that's standing strong.
Worst-case scenario? I own a herd of graceful survivors who produce sustainable clothing, enrich the soil, and serve as excellent companions when society collapses.
Best-case scenario? Climate chaos drives luxury fiber prices to record highs,
fashion companies proclaim alpaca wool "the new gold of the Andes,"
and Patagonia launches a limited-edition "Alpaca Sovereign" collection made only with traditional alpaca herds like mine.
This isn't cryptocurrency.
This isn't gold. This isn't another carbon credit scam.
This is 80 small, fluffy bastions of value—real assets that survive inflation, deflation, and human stupidity.
This isn't livestock.
This is liquidity—and eyelashes.
This is deep value.
This is the Alpaca Standard.
