Midlife crisis typically consists of three stages and one ending: 1. Suddenly starting to exercise, having never had a fitness habit before. Infidelity may occur during this stage. 2. Buying an expensive motorcycle, like a Harley-Davidson. At this point, he has little to no sex life. 3. Starts obsessively stockpiling supplies, saying it's for war and the end of the world, to protect his family in times of crisis. Becoming increasingly polite to outsiders, but at home saying everyone is an idiot.